Thursday, April 29, 2010

I cried. (crosspost)

Yeah when you open up a rough draft you have not seen in months, that can be the reaction.  Along with the Lucas story (half done) and my fantasy story (half done, don't want to see it end), I have started to edit my second book in the Coiree series: Killer.

Here is an example of what I found.  This WAS the opening.  Notice I said 'was'.:


Vincent Hugh studied the worn cloth at the top of his canopy bed, the blood stain was still noticeable, even after all these years. He rubbed his beard. Last night had been a bust. She had been pretty though. Unfortunately, she had drank more than she should have, and passed out. Too bad, Vincent thought.
He sat up and stretched. His bed was a canopy bed, that instead of having curtains around, Vincent had put walls up. It was basically a room with in a room. Vincent could never sleep in a coffin, he never had one. He opened the small door that was the only entrance to his bed. He slid out and stood up. Vincent was naked, but he didn't care. There was nobody else in his apartment. Vincent walked over to his closet and pulled out an outfit for the night. There was a live band tonight. So Vincent chose and outfit that could be Gothic, yet looked like a serious business man. Vincent got dressed.

BORING:
The opening I am working with:

“Sorry man,” Vincent said handing Swen a rag.
Swen took the rag with a sharp flick of his wrist. “If you were to spray this place down with luminol it would glow like a god damn disco.”
“It was a slaughterhouse,” Vincent said. He shook the spray bottle.
“You are the slaughterhouse.” Swen blotted the blood on the wall. “Who was this?”
“Huh?”
Swen motioned with his head toward the dead body laying in the hallway.

Better?

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