Thursday, September 15, 2011

Envy

I originally was going to post this a year ago, but hid it.

I was sitting in a coffee shop the other day. Amazing when you start to write a lot, coffee shops seem to become your second home.

But in walks a woman that I do not like. The feeling is mutual. I will not go into why we do not like each other, let's just leave it at we are very cold to each other.

I'm sitting alone with my netbook. She comes in with her boyfriend. First, she flaunts him. Personally, do not care. I'm married. They take the table right behind me, in the nearly empty shop. Then she starts talking about her job. That is part of the mutual coldness. She worked for another place, prior to us working together. She never let anyone forget how we did not match her "old workers."

She really is bragging it up. I am trying to ignore her. I have this really intense scene I have to get done. So I put on my headphones. She talks louder. At this point I want to leave, I don't want to deal with the child like behavior, but the writing is spurring me on. I stay. She goes to the bathroom.

Another friend comes in, I have not seen her in awhile. I tell her about my writing. The first one comes back, and talks up her job again. My other friend turns to me and asks me AGAIN about my novels.

I know she knows. But I realize she is asking me so that miss cold can hear about it. Miss Cold stands there for a moment.

 "You write?" she asks.

Hadn't I been sitting at a table writing? "Yes, two books out now."

Miss Cold's face falls. She goes over to her boyfriend. "We have to go!"

They leave. My other friend says. "Someone is jealous."

Really? Jealous of me? What?

But I have been guilty of envy too.

Sometimes when I hear about a writer getting a #1 selling ebook on Amazon, or when I hear one that quits their job to write full time, because they are making enough in sales.  Sometimes when one is becomes a media darling and everyone talks about  him or her.  Sometimes, I get jealous and I get mad.

I try not to, but it's human nature. So what do I do? I ask myself why can't I be happy for them. Because for that moment they are doing something that seems out of my reach.

Despite the good reviews, my books don't sell. That should be enough to make most people quit, but I don't. Because there is more than money to writing. A point I have to remind myself when I start to feel that green eyed monster appear.

I have a dedicated, small fan base. I have had fan art done for me. I have met so many interesting people that I never would have both online and in real life. I have had fan letters. I have wrote and published two books.

Someone read that paragraph now and is getting mad.

Remember writing is not a competition (unless you are entering a contest). It is a way we express ourselves. I didn't write the Coiree Series to become famous. Sure that would be a great perk. But I wrote it because I had to. I shared it with the world because I knew others would like it. Not to become a media darling.

Go back to the real reason you are creating. Because you have to. And when you feel that little monster start to rise, remind yourself what makes you unique as a creator. Work on that, success will come.

1 comment:

  1. I try to remember it's not a race. I also get the flip side: people who deliberately brag about who they know and how many they've sold (and I'm captive since they come to the library and do this). It takes a great deal of effort not to let them get to me. :/

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